Magical Nope Do Not Want
by knives4cash
Summary: Weiss receives an offer. Hilarity ensues.


Part thirty-one of my RWBY series "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose"

* * *

It's a quiet day. Normally, I'd be suspicious of my teammates, but those suspicions expired almost four years ago. Looking up from my schedule folder, I scan the dorm. More proper furniture consisting of night stands and bureaus have found their way in, and we reduced the number of beds from four to two quite some time ago. Posters of boy bands have been replaced with pictures of Team RWBY, some of the four members, others of just two.

On Blake and Yang's side of the dorm, they hold quite a few pictures of their practically flaunted affection. One is of Yang in a chef's apron holding a frying pan filled with eggs and cheese while firmly clinging onto Blake, who always did feel like the camera hated her. A gentle blush covers her face as she returns Yang's embrace. Their smiles are so different, and yet, they tell the viewer the same thing: They love each other.

But my personal favorite is the one on their night stand of an embarrassed Yang awkwardly sitting next to a frowning Blake, who is glaring directly at the blonde. Ren had managed to discretely capture that very moment in which Blake demanded a marriage proposal from Yang. They had started out with a hushed argument about the future. I couldn't overhear the details of their argument, for I was being a diligent student and properly listening to the professor, but I will never forget the moment that my concentration was broken by an angry Blake asking quite loudly, "When ARE you going to propose to me, Yang Xiao Long?!" It was in a full classroom too.

I never expected Yang to act like an idiot, and she didn't disappoint. She got down into a kneeling position and used one of her shotgun shells as a ring.

So far, that has been the only day that those two were dismissed from class.

Ruby was awestruck.

Our side has a different set of pictures. Most are of the four of us, but the intimate moments are far more powerful for me. Festivals, birthdays, and daily life frame the four of us. However, there is one picture that I've had more than a few copies made. It's a simple one of me and Ruby sleeping in the very bed I sit on, but that was apparently taken by a very stealthy Yang who had returned to the dorm to find us in such a state. Ruby and I had come to terms with our feelings for one another, and I decided that we would begin to familiarize ourselves with the act of laying with another. And so, with fingers intertwined, we lay next to each other, blushing furiously and awkwardly trying to hold a conversation until Ruby made the bold move to role herself on top of me and initiate cuddling.

We fell asleep, shortly after.

It marked the beginning of the happiest days for me, and Yang did me the favor in disguise of capturing it on camera.

I don't think I'll ever be able to fully repay her.

But this calendar won't organize itself, and I wish to complete the task before the others return from the weekly grocery run. Now, let's see... Ruby's eighteenth birthday is coming up, and I need to decide if I want to purchase any sexy lingerie... I can schedule a private showcasing of a select company's wares for Saturday. I'll also want a ruby ring, but do I want to bake it into the cake or just stick it on top? The cake's going to be red velvet, so she might accidentally not see the ring and bite it. Wouldn't want that... Oh, what about a red dust ring? Hmm, I don't think so. The ring could explode if exposed to an open flame. So baking it into a cake would have explosive results.

Sweet lord, did I make a pun?

TAP TAP TAP

Convenient distraction! Something's tapping on the window. Setting my calendar aside, I get up and move to the window. I would have expected it to be Yang screaming for me to let her in due to being chased by a mad Blake, but it's just a black cat.

Since when do cats come knocking? And furthermore, since when do cats have moon crescents tattooed onto their foreheads?!

"May I come in, Weiss?" It asks me.

Okay, let's just take a step back. Cats don't talk, Weiss. You're clearly delusional due to prolonged exposure of Lack of Ruby. It's a rare condition. You should just close the drapes, like so. And just lie back down on the bed, like so. Now, take deep breaths. In... out... in... out-

TAP TAP TAP

In. Out. In. Out.

"You can't leave me out here, Weiss!" She shouts.

"Yes, I can!" I shout back. Oh great, I'm having an argument with a talking cat.

"Do you have any idea how much backlash the Schnee Industry would be pelted with if people found out you left a poor, defenseless cat out here to fall?" It calls out.

Oh great, I'm LOSING an argument with a talking cat. "Fine!" I shout, jumping out of bed again and pulling the drapes aside. Growling at its frowning face, I open the window and allow it entrance into the dorm. "Why have you chosen me to harass?" I demand as it jumps up onto my b- "NO! NO! BAD CAT, BAD!" I scream, flailing my arms and removing the wretched animal from our bed. The last thing Ruby and I need is cat hair getting stuck to our skin.

"Keep your combat skirt on, I'm off!" She growls, "You really are-"

"Cold as Weiss." I finish. Crossing my arms, I glare down at the animal. "You can explain this whole thing to me, or you can make one more pun. Be warned: I will test the theory of cats having nine lives if you choose the latter of your two options." I deadpan. Honestly, why does all of the weird stuff happen to me?

"Fair enough." She nods. "You see, Weiss, you are not who you think you are." Ugh, over my short life, I've thought of myself as many things. She'll need to clarify. She looks me dead in the eye and explains, "You are the reincarnation of a magical warrior race that lived on the moon and-"

I throw up my hands. "Okay, okay, okay, just- just stop!" I exclaim. She complies. "Guess what, cat?" I smile ever so sweetly at her.

"My name is Luna." She grumbles back.

"I DON'T CARE!" I yell directly at the cat. I'm yelling at a cat. I must have hit my head or something.

"Fine!" She yells back at me. "Look, all you have to do is-"

"I'm sorry, did I stutter?" I ask her with as much putout sarcasm as I can muster. "I seem to recall JUST saying that I DON'T CARE." Whatever this cat is selling, I am SO not buying.

The door opens up, and Yang enters holding two bags of groceries, followed by Blake and then Ruby. "Hey, Weiss, what are you yelling ab-" Yang stops, staring down at the cat. "What?"

Blake and Ruby move past her and also see the cat. It stares back at them.

"Weiss?" Ruby asks as she slowly sets down her own two bags. "What are you doing?"

"I know what I'm doing!" Yang exclaims as she grabs the cat and holds her up in front of her. "I'm adopting this cute little cat!"

"KKKSSSSSSSHHH!" Blake immediately hisses and brings up her hands, claws instantly coming out of her fingertips. Oh, a literal cat fight. Yang will want a picture.

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" Ruby yells, throwing herself in between the actual cat and the jealous faunus cat. "Everybody just CALM DOWN!" She orders. Glaring at Blake, she adds, "And retract the claws while you're at it."

Blake falters. "I was just going to cut a few arteries." She mumbles as she retracts her claws.

"Please don't." The cat sighes.

"AAAGH!" Ruby and Yang yell at the same time. Yang drops the cat which lands on its feet.

"Would all of you just SHUT UP?!" It finally screams at us.

We remain silent.

"I'm here to tell you all that you're reincarnations of magical warriors who lived on the moon." She deadpans. "And all you have to do to access your hidden power is shout, 'Moon Prism Power, make up!'" She adds.

Silence.

Yang and Ruby look at each other before bursting out into laughter.

"I'm serious!" The cat yells, stomping her paw.

"Weiss! Catch!" Blake yells to me as she throws me a laser pointer, no doubt taken from my own bag. She immediately clamps her eyes shut.

"Thanks, Blake!" I exclaim out of gratitude as I turn on the laser pointer and aim it right in front of the cat.

"You four are the only ho-oooh." She trails off as she starts pawing at the red dot on the ground.

I slowly lead the stupid cat onto the windowsill and yell, "Go con some stupid girls into being your warriors!" And with that, the cat leaps out of the window in pursuit of the evasive red dot.

Slamming the window shut and closing the curtains, I turn off the laser pointer. "Okay, Blake." I sigh with relief as I turn around to face my teammates. "You're good now."

She opens her eyes. "Thanks."

"What just happened?" Ruby asks in confusion.

"I can only deduce that it was a clever con artist cat that decided to worm her way into the heart of someone who was all too willing to accept her." Blake growls at Yang.

"Wait, what?" Yang gawks at her. "Kitty cat, you're the only one for me! You know that!" She pleads as she backs away from Blake.

But Blake keeps walking towards her. "Then why did you touch her?" Blake demands as Yang crouches down in a corner.

"Because it was a cute cat!" Yang panics, holding her arms up in front of her face for protection.

"So you ADMIT that you liked her!" Blake exclaims. "Well, if you liked her so much, why didn't you just kiss her while you were right in front of me?!"

Yang momentarily forgets her dilemma and overanalyzes the question. "What? Ew." She sticks her tongue out in disgust. "I'd never kiss something so hairy."

Blake gasps. "So you only like me because I'm a hairless cat?!"

"What?!" Yang hops up as Blake stomps out of the dorm. "Kitty cat, wait! It's not what you think!" She rushes out of the dorm in pursuit. "I don't even know WHAT you think!" Her voice echoes.

Ruby and I look back to one another.

"Do you want to come with us, next time?" Ruby asks meekly as she approaches me with her arms out.

"I think that's for the best." I murmur as I embrace her, pecking her on the lips before resting my head against her shoulder.

We're granted a few moments of silence before we hear a slap echo, quickly followed by Yang's yelp.

"Should we help her?" Ruby murmurs into my neck.

"I've had enough drama for a lifetime, love." I sigh into her skin, provoking a giggle from Ruby. I pull her onto our bed, and we snuggle up. Oh, History, you do enjoy repeating yourself, don't you?

I smirk and, as we begin to undress one another, I breathe a sigh of contentment.

The groceries can wait.


End file.
